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Teh Green Man

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Shadowkiller

Shadowkiller - 2005-07-27 21:03:00

Rant Contest Continues:

And here is the awesomeness that is the Green Man. Do you like? I like. Hrm, Outsiders? Interesting. Ever wonder why the Green Man seemed to know a hell of a lot more then he really let on? Too bad he sacrificed himself.



On with the contest. The next two entries are from the same person. Not only was he the only person to submit two entries allowed by the rules as originally stated, he was also the only one who submitted the essay version. But, as by the rules, he only gets two chances to win, not one exceptional chance. Its like buying two lotto tickets instead of one. Anyway, on with the entries. Remember to return tomorrow to see the next entry.


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Shadowkiller

Shadowkiller - 2005-07-27 21:04:06

uruloki:

Salut?..

I r uruloki, a pseudo-member of first BO's comic and now urs. Pseudo
because I rarely do anything else than watch the comic, nosebleed, and
move on. This contest seems rather interesting though, so yeah? I
thought id give it a try.

Anyhow, on with the story.

Have you ever drunk water from a fish tank with 2 dead and rotting
fish on it? Seems rather gross? and It is, for those who feel
curious?. This happened to me around 20 minutes ago and I thought it
might be an interesting enough thing for me to post. Hell, it's still
fresh in my memory, so it's as good as I'll ever get.

This morning I woke to my mothers banging on my room's door?. I had
left the door accidentally locked before I went to bed last night and
well?. She wasn't happy with it. So yeah, she wakes me and tells me a
series of things I gotta do to earn my supper, to say it somehow.
These things were surprisingly just 2: fix the drawers on the living
room; which was done on a good 20 mins. of work? and the other, empty
my 100-gallon fish tank, for its eventual conversion from fresh to
salt water.

That. Was. Scary.

O well, I put my 12 yr old kid knowledge of physics and placed a
bucket of water on the base of the fish tank? the theory was to put a
hose, one end on the fish tank (higher) and the other end on a
smaller, easier to carry, bucket (lower). I would suck a bit on the
air from the lower end of the hose, and like magic, water would run
freely from the fish tank, to my bucket, till the bucket was filled
and I interrupted the flow. And of course, nature did its job and I
did mine. It was working.

About halfway down the tank, I had to get the decoration out of the
tank, I had placed some really big rocks there, that without the
density of water would for sure fall down, and I didn't want to risk
breaking one of the glass panels of the tank?. That had already
happened to me and it had not been nice that time, I was sure it
wouldn't be this time either.
So I went on and drew out all those big stones... and under the last
one, the biggest of all, were the corpses of two dead fish that I had
given over for lost at least a month ago, due to the fact that they
were nowhere to be seen?.

At this point I was disgusted. The sucking and pouring method was
working awesome, but somehow, the knowledge of the dead fish on the
tank made me think twice about putting my mouth on that hose? and
pulling dead fish soup towards me?. Some sort of 9th sense flashed and
I just KNEW something uugly was about to happen. I discarded it for
foolishness, and went right on?. I put the hose in position, placed my
mouth on the other end, and gave a big? suck?. First of air, then of
dead fish soup, and then of a small flap of dead fish skin, that was
floating near the hose's end.

My stomach churned, my head spinned, my throat was completely
constricted and I was beyond hope of salvation, totally disgusted. I
had SEEN the skin flap go in the hose; I FELT it on my mouth and I was
at least grateful I had not swallowed THAT?. The swallowing stopped as
I jumped back with my mouth full of water-with-fish-feces (I was
moving things around, the gravel of the fishtank gathers a lot of
feces when u got a gravel filter installed on ur tank, so a lot of
feces were lifted) and almost puked as the sensation of revulsion
took over me and I ran to th bathroom to brush my teeth for the next
20 minutes? after which I came and started writing this?

Im not sure if theres a moral to this story or not, other than the
simple statement that its horrible to swallow dead fish soup ~_^

Shadowkiller

Shadowkiller - 2005-07-27 21:05:00

uruloki #2:

Hi, im loki again? the dead fish soup eater guy? and this is my essay
explaining on a very brief words (it could fill up pages, if I came
around to it) of why, I should take up that ranting spot on your site.

Although no one really knows me on the site itself, since I rarely do
anything else than just view the comic, and never EVER ventured into
the forums (BO's one I did? once), hell I suppose if no one knows my
stories its nothing but an asset, since everything would come out
fresh and new?

Putting that aside, the biggest argument I got for this is probably
abundance of topics, stories and well?. Odd situations. Im the
offspring of a somewhat wealthy family? that wasn't so wealthy not so
many years ago, and that moved to a small miserable town where he
could do nothing but rant at how stupid local people were? and how
simply disgusting the large community of foreigners was. Buncha old
lusty geezers, that aside from having sex with women certainly not old
enough to be doing that and tricking their countrymen (or anyone for
that matter) for their own gain; actually consider color people
inferior to their? race. BUUT yeah.

Now we're back on the city, and I just ended school. My parents are of
the conservative side, so it's a constant struggle between what im
effing ALLOWED to do with my night life. Sad thing is, for some reason
they gave me a car too. Just a week ago. I was thrilled of course, I
could just imagine myself going everywhere on that thing? yeah right.
I have gone out, but only to do slave/messenger/delivery boy work for
em, and since im entering THE toughest college on my country?. (means
no vacation, except for the 2 weeks for admission purposes) I am dying
to go out a much as possible before that thing ive signed myself into
starts. That on itself, of course, will provide enough topics for any
ranting id like to make.

Ive had girlfriends, for all the great things that has gotten me?.
Theire creatures come out straight from the blight? u know? the "worse
things" the characters are always talking about? I swear ill never
understand one?. But o well?. I have the luck of falling for
everything, and? no matter how u look at it, since every single person
that's had a relationship, is single, its safe to assume that every
relationship uve been in, has ended on disaster, until u marry someone
and either u or her end up dead? which is another form of disaster.

* curses eve *

oh well? the only big factor of importance on my life is the place I
live in?. I live on the Dominican republic, a third world country wich
is neck deep on all sorts of problems, ranging from constant breaking
of every possible law and by the deep corruption on the government and
the constant (and I really mean constant? every day to be more
precise) power outages due to the lack of electric production?. All
and all? I have my happy moments, although I don't know if ima ever
write about those * grins *

Shadowkiller

Shadowkiller - 2005-07-28 22:38:31

SheDragon:

Wow, record number of visitors today. Looks like today's rants went over well as well as the Green Man look. In the book they describe him as much taller then Loial as he is taller then Rand with green vines and leaves making up his body structure. He has grass hair and hazel nut eyes as well as clothing made from leaves and bark boots. He also has butterflys all over him and I think they mentioned flowers in his hair or something weird like that. I wanted to make him buff since I couldnt imagine him all thin and stuff so I did. In the end, as sakuraa put it, he does kinda look like a gay hulk. Whateva, he looks good. Here is our next entry from SheDragon. One more for Saturday and I'll see if I can put up a vote box so you all can vote for your favorite rant. In the end it comes down to my choice, but I figured I'd give you some say since you're the ones reading it. BTW, the Saturday comic may come a little late, maybe during the day Saturday as I'll be super busy today(Friday). -SK

Smokerputzes and Bigotrators:

Every one of us has seen or met one before. A face you can?t seem to forget; a persona that leaves an indelible mark in your memory; a character that sticks out from the rest of the crowd like a loudly dressed clown at a funeral. Why do we never forget them, even though we usually never even know their names? Because once you?ve seen or talked to a stranger that is so utterly odd beyond measure, they always put a smile on your face regardless of what kind of day you?re having. They also make for the kind of story that never gets old no matter how many times you tell it. In order to better commemorate these eccentric gems of humanity, I like to give these people names.

In a way, it has actually become a challenge and sort of a game for me and my friends to come up with the perfect names for the occasional weirdoes we meet in life. An ever growing list of names, each with a story behind them, is being created in the process.

The rules of naming a stranger are simple. The name consists of two parts: a name that nobody in their right-mind would name their children, and a title that describes their peculiar mannerisms, preferably using a made-up word that should be real, but isn?t in the dictionary. Extra points for use of alliteration. Thus, the legends of Mondo the Grolier, Gerda the Scooterwench, Bork the Bigotrator, Milliface the Motorized Smokerputz, Hector the Muckraker, and Greedo the Smoker were born. It should also be known that these names are typically uttered in a low voice with a Mexican accent. Don?t ask why. It just sounds creepier and is more fun that way.

Now that I have given you the list of names, I suppose I should tell you the story behind them. I will gladly oblige starting with the tale of Milliface the Motorized Smokerputz; one of my favorites.

I was returning from work on a sultry afternoon in early July. I had turned onto the main road that takes me to my house and instantly realized that traffic was moving at a crawl for some odd reason. There were only two or three cars in front of me, so I couldn?t see what the holdup could possibly be. The only clue was at the head of the line was a small bright orange flag on a long springy pole flapping above the traffic. I figured it belonged to some dumb kid on a bike that wasn?t pulling over to the side to let us by. Once everyone in front of me got a chance to pass, I found that it was nothing of the sort.

Puttering along at about 10mph atop a little bright green scooter sporting the orange flag was a small stooped figure wearing a knitted something-or-other made of convict-colored orange and baby poop green yarns. As I passed her, I got a good look. She must have been at least been in her 70?s judging by her thinning white hair and profusely wrinkled saggy face framed by huge granny blue-blockers, and a multitude of moles. She had a small oxygen tank in a wire basket in the back, which fed through a clear plastic mask over her mouth and nose. She seemed to be headed for the filling station just down the street. Clutched in her knobby hand was an empty box of cigarettes.

She was dying of emphysema and fighting and pissing off rush-hour traffic on a busy street in 85 degree weather to get more smokes. Did she give a rat?s ass? Nope.

I relayed what I had seen to my brother once I got home, and we instantly knew she deserved a name. After much deliberation, it was decided that she was Milliface the Motorized Smokerputz.

So now I bet you?re wondering just who the other five in the list were, and what their stories are. You?ll just have to wait for the next rants for that. Will it end once I finish telling those five? Not a chance. As life goes on, the list grows. There will always be more Millfaces and Borks to discover.